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Faith

“Mama, what exactly are you doing?” Parker asked from the back seat as I was waving a hand up towards the roof of the car singing at the top of my lungs. I looked in the rear view mirror and glanced at her face, her head tilted to the side the way a puppy does when it hears a strange sound.

I couldn’t help but crack up laughing. I was totally lost in my own little worship session while driving and Parker was just so thoroughly confused at the concert that was taking place in the front seat. (Just so we are clear, I was totally paying attention to the road as well, I had just also become a brilliant singer for a moment in time 😉

But y’all I could NOT help it.

Saturday night my husband and I were talking about the business and all that that entails, which is a lot. Now I do not speak for my husband but I want to share all the thoughts that are swirling around in my head. Throughout this whole “becoming business owners” process, you guys, in all honesty, I have felt very inadequate. I am sure that I have asked myself most of the questions y’all have asked yourselves when you heard I was starting my own business.

What is she thinking?

How can she do that while homeschooling her kids?

How does she have enough time?

What is she thinking?

How can they afford that?

She is taking on way too much!

Come on, what am I thinking?!?!

The truth is…… I can’t do it alone. And I don’t mean alone without my husband. Obviously this is a team effort and I couldn’t have been blessed with a better life partner, husband, father to our children, and now business partner, and I couldn’t do this without his love, support, and hard work.

But what I mean is, God is doing huge things. I can not do any of this without Him.

I have prayed from the beginning that if this were not God’s will, that He would slam, not just shut, but slam doors in our face. And He has showed up and made things happen. He has not only opened doors, but He has pointed me to the most amazing, helpful, and wonderful people.

I get lost in the idea of business plans, and finances, and which lots to purchase and from where. I have had meetings with people that I didn’t feel would take me seriously, I have had to stay up late or wake up early to research and prepare. I don’t want to miss something important, and I really want to do this well. So I pray. I have never prayed more.

Yesterday during church God showed up. He spoke volumes to me through my Pastor at church.

And then today, I met with a neat man who shared his expertise on all things business and God was there. When I left, I had more to do, more to correct, school to get done, people to contact, paint to buy, social media to update, house to clean, dishes to get done, goats to feed, and the list goes on and on.

I was driving home and feeling overwhelmed. So I put on music.

Do you want to know what song came on in the moment I needed it most?

I will trust in you by Lauren Daigle.

The song is amazing. This is some of it…….

When you don’t move the mountains, I’m needing you to move, When you don’t part the waters, I wish I could walk through. When you don’t give the answers, as I cry out to you. I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.

Truth is, you know what tomorrow brings, there’s not a day ahead you have not seen. So let all things be my life and breath, I want what you want Lord and nothing less.

You are my strength and comfort, you are my steady hand. You are my firm foundation, the rock on which I stand, your ways are always higher, your plans are always good, there’s not a place where I go, you haven’t already stood

I don’t know what tomorrow holds, I never will. I am a hard worker and I will do the work needed to make this store succeed not just for myself but for my husband and more importantly for God, however I do recognize that most of that is out of my control. But I hold on to who is in control. There is not a day ahead that God has not seen, He has already been there and He is guiding me and that is so exciting.

I am praying, even now while I write, that I can be used to bring God glory. I want this store to be successful and I will do the work. I pray God’s will be done in all of it. Please if you think about it, say a quick prayer that I don’t take this responsibility lightly, that my mind and strength stays focused on Him and nothing less, in all that I do. Especially when it comes to my sweet babies, who are all in for a wild and crazy ride!!! But like I always tell them, if people don’t think you’re at least a little crazy, are you even really living?

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I’m baaaaaccckkk…….

So, it has been a while! I have truly missed writing but life has been so full that I had to put it on the back burner for a little bit! And although I am more busy than ever, I just feel so excited to share some things, that I couldn’t put it off any longer!

Let me tell you a little bit of what I have been up to! First off, we had our baby! His name is Bearett Mason and he is the best baby. Going from 3 to 4 was by far the easiest transition for me. He took no time at all to fill our hearts and become his siblings favorite thing in the world. We are so very blessed.

On top of adding a new “little” to the bunch, this summer has been filled with so many things: horse camp, gymnastics camp, camping, splash park, hospital visits, new friends and old friends, family, Yellowstone, and so many memories! Oh and since we jumped right into first grade for Gray and kinder for P, we can add school to the list!

On top of all of that my husband and I have decided to…………drum roll please!

Open a general store!!

This is the building we purchased and we will be fixing it up to make it our own!

I could not be more excited. My husband is the most supportive and giving man I have ever met, and while he supports and encourages my dreams, this store is definitely my baby. He, and the rest of the world, may even think I am a little crazy for “taking on another thing.” We found a location, purchased the building, and due to my husband having to travel to work shortly after closing, I have started remodeling. And by remodeling I mean, taking all four of my kids down to a filthy building while I make progress the best way that I can! I can’t wait until he gets home for multiple reasons. I mean come on, it is my husband and I can’t wait to…… well that is besides the point! 😉 But one of the reasons is that it will be so nice to be able to finally make decent progress on the store! I swear he can fix anything and I know he will be able to bring my visions to life! I can’t wait to share all of that with you!

Lunch break while on the job!

I have always dreamed of being a business owner and have prayed fervently for God to use me in a way that will bring Him glory. Ya’ll I can’t even explain the way that God has showed up. I mean does He ever not show up? He pointed us to a building when we weren’t even sure which direction to take. He removed road blocks, where there should have been road blocks. He has pointed me to countless helping hands and guidance from genuine people. You guys, God is faithful and He is good.

So back to the store, we are hoping to be able to open sooner rather than later, and as I know God has His hand in everything that has unfolded thus far, I excitedly await Him to carry us through!

So please stay tuned for updates on the store and our lives in general! I’d love for you to tag along and give me ideas and be apart of this cool new journey! Thank you for taking the time to read!

Kristin

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Today is the day

Today is the day! Wake up and get out of bed!

Today is the day, you heard what I said.

Don’t dilly dally, There is not a minute to lose!

Today is your day, to do as you choose.

You can like to watch movies, be with friends, or go to church.

Maybe today is your day for family, or to do a little self search.

Whatever it is, that makes your heart happy,

Today is the day, come on, get snappy!

If you just need a smile, a hug, or a laugh,

let’s get to it, let’s go, I am here on your behalf!

Get up and meet people, someone is waiting for you,

Maybe the hug that you need, is the one they needed too!

So today is the day, I think it will be a good one.

Today is your day, that things can shine as bright as the sun.

-Kristin

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5 itty-bitty webbed fingers

I have always wanted a big family. I come from a big family and I loved growing up with siblings and cousins being so close. When we moved to Montana, leaving all of our family behind, I knew that having a lot of kids was something I had wanted, and I had my sights set on six. . And of course, God- willing, we would be able to carry that dream out. My husband has always been so supportive of this for us and so we had our first baby! A baby girl.

Eighteen months later I was in labor with our second. Another baby girl. Transitioning from one to two was very difficult for me. I was able to put on a happy face and God gave me the strength to continue stepping out of my comfort zone but I was a shell of myself. I felt like I was simply going through the motions.

Around our second daughter’s first birthday I finally found my footing and was able to regain my sense of identity! What a break through that was and I was so relieved to be rid of the fog that had plagued me.

So it was no surprise to me that not long after she turned one I began wanting to try (although we have never been great at trying to not get pregnant) for another one.

With my husbands schedule, we can basically pinpoint when conception happens and so I stopped by the dollar store to stock up on pregnancy tests. (And yes, when I mean stock up, I mean stock up. The employees have to have some extreme thoughts as to what kind of person they think I am.)

I began taking them randomly and I was excited when it didn’t take long to for one to pop up positive. I couldn’t wait to tell my husband and begin planning what a third addition would mean to our family.

I immediately began thinking of names for a girl and we had a boy named picked out from the get go. He would be named after my husband, as my husband is already the fourth. I felt in the pit of my stomach, although usually wrong, that my baby was a girl so I was set on Bradley Mae Wachob.

I was so excited and so thankful God had chosen me to be the mother of this sweet baby growing inside me.

I made my first doctors appointment. I would be about nine weeks when they set the date for the confirmation ultrasound.

My husband had to return to work but I was a pro at going to the doctors by myself by now. I loaded up the girls and we excitedly headed out the door to go and see our sweet baby on the ultrasound screen.

My doctor began making small talk to me about all things baby while doing the scan and she slowly became quiet. The girls were strapped into their stroller so all of my attention was on her.

I asked if something was wrong and with a grim look on her face, she said “Kristin, I believe you are having a miscarriage.”

To say I was in shock is an understatement. I mean I had already carried two healthy babies to term, why was this happening?

I asked her if she was sure, and she said that she was pretty positive. She went on to explain what her findings were and to tell me where to go from here but I couldn’t hear any of it. I immediately started praying and decided that I wasn’t going to give up on my baby.

My doctor told me that they recommend taking some medication that will cause my body to, essentially, contract and rid my body of the baby. I refused the medication and opted to let my body try to handle it the way I felt I would be able to handle it naturally should my baby really no longer be living.

Weeks went by, and I had multiple blood tests to see if I was indeed having a miscarriage. Confirmed by the lowering of the pregnancy hormone, I knew that what I didn’t want to come to terms with was indeed happening. I was beside myself.

I am so so thankful for my thriving girls, but I felt like I must have done something wrong to cause this to happen to my other baby.

After a few more weeks of trying to let my body handle it naturally, the doctors told me they were worried about me going septic. So with my husband now home, I decided to take the medication.

They told me I would begin cramping and eventually pass the baby in a large blood clot. After picking up the medication we headed home.

Even writing this I am tearing up, I had no idea what was awaiting me.

I did indeed begin cramping and stayed close to the toilet as I was constantly passing blood clots. Nothing seemed extreme except my emotions. And never having done this before, with each clot I passed I was wondering if that was my baby.

Then I knew.

Several hours had passed and I felt my body contracting worse then before. My husband and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie and I knew I needed to go to the restroom.

I sit down and I begin passing a blood clot that seemed to be huge in comparison to what I had been passing so far.

Without hesitation, and still to this day I am unsure why, I glance down into the toilet.

I saw a lot of blood and reaching out of the center of the biggest blood clot was an itty-bitty hand with five webbed fingers. It was the tiniest, most precious beginning of a hand I have ever seen.

God had lovingly formed by baby, in my womb, until the moment He decided the world did not deserve the presence of such a beautiful soul.

And in forming my sweet baby, He had created the most beautiful, tiny, perfect, itty-bitty webbed hand.

I saw it. There is no mistake that that is indeed what I saw. I fell on the floor crying. Everything hit me. I wanted so many things in that moment.

I wanted to hold it. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to be angry with God for taking my baby from me.

So now what? I just sat there staring. Without knowing how to proceed, it was as if I stepped outside of my own body, and flushed the toilet.

For a long time I was very angry at myself for doing that, I had just flushed my baby down the toilet. I am still not sure if that was what I should have done, I really don’t know. But what I do know is that God has given me peace over handling it the way I did.

Ya’ll at nine weeks, my baby had a sweet itty-bitty five fingered webbed hand. Nine weeks.

To make the bold but incorrect statement that the child growing inside of a woman is nothing but a clump of cells or fetus or whatever people want to call it, is sickening.

It is a baby. A living and growing baby. And at just nine weeks of gestation, that sweet innocent baby has the beginning of five fingers on each hand. I have seen it with my own eyes.

What happened today in New York is not only heartbreaking, it is unacceptable.

I know that not all circumstances revolving pregnancy are the best situations, but that does not mean that we need to justify a wrong with another wrong.

We have to start with ourselves and begin choosing to start down a different path.

I read a friend’s post on the issue earlier and I couldn’t agree with her more, I dislike having political discussions so much so that I try to avoid them. However, like her, abortion is something that I can’t be quiet about.

I have loved ones who have had abortions and I have been directly affected by them. I know these women and I know that abortion is not something that you choose to do and no longer think about. It affects those who go through it and those around them forever. There are consequences for every decision we make.

We must turn back to God and think of that sweet innocent baby that does not have a voice yet.

-Kristin

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    two shirts and hairy legs

    I have exactly two shirts that fit me. Two.

    So today as I was getting ready to go to church, I decided to do my makeup. Even as I feel nothing short of a beluga whale in size, I love getting dressed up. It just makes me feel better about myself.

    So I put on one of the two shirts that still fit me and we head out the door. Then while sitting in church I take a pen and accidentally write on the front of my shirt, right where my belly button now sticks out.

    So now, as I am approaching people who might have previously not noticed my “outty” belly button (because huge preggo belly) making my shirt stick out slightly, they will definitely notice it now because there is pen right smack dab in the middle of the spot where it sticks out.

    But, whatever, I’m pregnant right?!

    I am just curious though…… in what ways do you love taking care of your self? I really am curious what others do to make themselves feel good about themselves. For me doing my makeup, and getting dressed up, do wonders for the way I feel about myself!

    I think self-love is so important and although I may make fun of myself occasionally, or apologize way to often for things that are out of my control, I honestly do love myself.

    I think I am kind and not to pat myself on the back, but I try to see the best in everyone.

    But I am not very good at self-care. My feet feel like sandpaper and my legs are hairier than my husbands. Sometimes I go days without a shower and I look like I have been living on the streets for months on end when I do not have to leave the house for a few days. And although that is embarrassing, it is also totally true.

    And don’t get me wrong, some women are into this sort of thing, and to them I say “You are amazing, keep up the good work!” But for me, I feel better when I shave and my feet don’t stick to the sheets.

    Right now I can use the excuse that I am pregnant but after the baby, I want to be able to begin doing things to better care for myself, so that I feel better about myself.

    And obviously shaving and putting lotion on my feet on a more regular basis will become a thing, (Once I can reach my legs and feet again) but I would like to pick up some more habits that will lead to better self care, of the physical type!

    So friends, what do you do to make yourself feel better about yourself?! I’d love to know!

    -Kristin

    (Thank you for taking the time to read! )

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    Owl Pellets and finding happiness

    Yesterday was a significant day for two reasons. First and foremost it was my husbands and my sixth wedding anniversary! Six years, three babies, two angel babies, and one baby on the way.

    I can honestly say that I have never been more in love with him than I am now. He is my rock and best friend. He has the biggest heart and is fiercely loyal. He is strong and not just in the physical sense of the word. I am just truly, truly blessed to be his wife.

    I am not sure I could ever say enough to him or about him as to just how much I love him, but I will save that for another post.

    This one is more about our kids. The second reason my day was significant was because we got to dive into some owl pellets yesterday and it was so cool! My friend from our co-op told me where to buy them at and I have wanted to get some for the kids every since I knew that was something you could purchase.

    So yesterday we got our hands dirty playing with these things and had so much fun trying to find all the little bones that were hidden in them!

    This got me to thinking, we need to examine our own lives as thoroughly as we examined the owl pellets, to see what may be affecting our happiness and joy.

    I had a conversation with my cousin not to long ago and we were talking about listening to christian music. I had mentioned that it just seems to automatically life my spirits when I have uplifting (ironic 😉 music on. However, if i choose to listen to sad, lonely, more depressing music, then I realize my mood tends to slump lower and lower. Now I realize that christian music is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I think the same concept can be applied across the board. If you choose to listen to upbeat, more positive music, I believe that your mood can only be impacted in a positive way. If your thing is listening to hard, negative, self-deprecating, or cruel music, then I believe it will have a negative affect on your mood.

    The same goes for other areas of our lives. If we surround ourselves with negative minded people, or if we are prone to watching sad, or horrible shows, or if we only sit alone in our house and never want to get out. It may affect us more than we realize! (And I don’t take this lightly, as I can waste a day away with the best of them watching murder shows. I don’t understand the fascination but for some reason I can get lost in them.)

    If we are determined to be driven and get things done or organized, then instead of turning the lights off and laying down for a nap, we should get up and encourage ourselves to push on.

    I think many times, the outside influences (other people, events, or situations) in our lives play a big part in affecting our joy, but we also are the biggest road block in our own lives and happiness at times.

    So last night, as I was combing over my life figuring out what things need to go or what situations I need to spend less energy on, or even what attitudes I need to pray to get rid of, I made a discovery. I am such a work in progress and that is exciting to me.

    Ya’ll, He is not even close to finishing me yet. I don’t need to have it all figured out, and neither do you.

    He is showing me all the little bones that need to be picked out of my life. He is molding me and shaping me into the woman He desires for me to be and I am thrilled to see what the end result will be. And while I wait for that, I will take pleasure in knowing that my God has His hands in every area of my life and He wants me to succeed. He wants me to grow and develop, so while there are areas that I believe need a lot of improvement in my life, I can embrace the fact that I am not left alone in improving my life. God is giving me wisdom and strength to dig through all the areas of my life to find what is stealing my joy.

    What are the areas of your life that may be affecting your overall happiness? Are there situations you can avoid, or maybe even people you need to distance yourself from to find happiness? God can help you, and more then that He longs to be the one you turn to.

    -Kristin

    (Thank you for taking a moment to read!)

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    Becoming Bold……

    With the new year upon us, I figured this was the perfect first blog post! I originally wrote it for my daughter as she is now school aged, but I believe that we can all apply it to ourselves in one way or another!

    You were born to be different, you were born to be kind. You were born to stand out, and give the world a piece of your mind. God didn’t created you to become hardened by a world so cruel, He lovingly formed you to be the shining jewel.

    The world needs more grace, more love, and compassion. That’s why you, my darling, were born to take action. If others hurt you, be quick to forgive. This really speaks loudly about the way you live.

    Please use that smile that brightens my world, to give a sweet moment to the lonely little girl. You take that imagination that makes stories come to life, and use it to help others ease their strife.

    Within those precious hands that my heart calls home, is the ability to pick up others when they can’t stand on their own. Sweetheart use those feet that run here and there with joy, to play with the rejected, but still so lovely little boy.

    I love learning from you, you are so incredibly smart! Please use your thoughts and ideas to tell others about God’s heart. You have beautiful big eyes, they observe and take in all. Use them to see the good in people, even if and when they fall.

    You are so much more than just an audacious child, but I know that God gave you a spirit that longs to be wild. You love others with abandon, you enjoy making friends, and my wonderful tender-hearted child, I pray you never let that end.

    The world may not understand, they may try to change you, but I promise, that God gave you what it takes to break through. You are courageous, and strong, you were made to be different! You’re loyal, you’re observant, and you are out right magnificent!

    Look around and see, you weren’t made to follow behind. Use what He gave you, stay true to your design. Little love if ever you feel lost, overwhelmed, or even broken down, turn to Jesus and pray. He understands, for even He cried out as well.

    With your eyes fixed on Him, you will have all the strength you need. He loves you more than life, He will help you succeed. There are going to be times it may be hard to not become bitter, but you were made to change the world! You are no quitter!

    Darling listen, read the bible, take it in and soak it up! Tuck its words away in your heart, let it fill your cup! These words are all true, it is our instruction book. The very way to life is given to us, we must be careful to not overlook!

    God designed your heart so pure and so tender, never lose that, for it is your splendor. You have so much to give, and you glow when it is dark. Take that out into the world, you are so much more than just a spark!

    With you I am blessed beyond measure and I cannot wait to see, just how profound your impact on this world will be! Last but not least, sweet girl, remember this. When you meet others who live differently then you, love them, be kind, it is really that simple. You want Jesus to shine through!

    Thank you for taking a moment to read! Please let me know what you think!

    -Kristin